Blahsphemy

He is not in yet. A disgruntled voice informed me. But it is way past the office time. You know how things are here, came the reply. How long should I wait? Is that a question? Aren't you the one who needs your issues to be sorted out? So wait till he comes. Maybe he won't come at all. But then you will have to wait. There is no long or short to it. I am still waiting. It's my story damn it. I can make him come when I want. All the best son, again the voice boomed.

slowmo thats what people used to call me. I guess I was born that way. They had to pull me out as I was coming out on to this world. Why are they always hurrying me? Can't they mind their own business and go on with their lives? That way their life won't be hampered by my pace. There comes the one who gets most annoyed with my speed. His name is Pacer. He rushes along like there is no tomorrow. At times, I feel he should follow my way of living. I believe the worm is for everyone whether you are early or not. So I deliberately slow down when I see him and that sets him off. What irony. Me Slowmo becomes the reason for Pacer to up his pace. My pace forces him to double his. Now tell me who is slow, me or him?

It took me forty years to realise that I had died long back. I am no longer the son I thought I was. I am no longer a lot of things that I was. I am no longer tied down by a lot of things which I thought I was. I don't know who I am now. I know I am free. That's all that matters.

She hasn't gotten over the shock of being a wife and a mother. Even after five years she still wonders how these people came in to her life. Both need her constant attention and both think she belongs to them. It always surprised her why they never saw things the way she did. Everytime she tells them her point of view, they seemed to be shocked.

You have forgotten me. For in your memories I have become someone I never was or can be. Your memory has given me strange hues. I become a stranger everytime I hear how you remember me. Or is it my memory that has faded?Is it my face that's staring at me from the mirror? Who am I?

I am a log. A big one that too. From the time I became aware of who or what I am, I was a log. I live in a marsh. Or rather a marsh formed around where I lay. I am now the owner of this ecosystem. I know everyone, from the first tadpole to the last snake that lived inside my trunk.

I need to lose you for good. No you can't. I have always been with you. Right from your chubby cheek days. I never asked you to entertain me. But you used to buy me pop corn, pastries, pizzas and what not. I can't live without you. I can't think of you without me. I am dead serious this time. I have had enough. Everyone seems to be mocking me for being with you. I can't take it anymore. Please don't listen to them. Have they ever said anything nice about you and me? Have they ever stopped making faces whenever they see you feeding me? I hate them. I hate this world. I don't care about you. You have ruined my life. You drive me nuts. I just hate you. I am going to show them that I can lose you. Ok, let's see. Last time also you had said these words before you started your diet. But when you came back, I never said anything. I will always be there waiting for you. I hate you.

Today I don't know where to begin. Maybe it's because everything has come to an end. Even the last iorta of kindness has disappeared. One will only come across frowning faces, nowadays. It's all about beating your competition. It's all about satiating ones ego. It's all about being selfish beyond comparision. So I don't know where to begin. That's it.

Someone wished me a very happy b'day today. I don't even know who he is. But how did he know that it was my b'day? Must be facebook. No it can't be, he is not my friend. Maybe he is my friend's friend or something like that. But why did he wish me? Is he cyberstalking me? Let me find out who he is. Ha! There he is. I have ten friends in common with this creep. Ten friends and I don't know him. Hey, looks like it's his b'day too. Let me wish him.

You never paid any attention to what I said. I did. No you didn't. I did. No way. I am positive. No you didn't . What can I do to prove it? Tell me what I told you a few minutes back. You never pay any attention to what I said. Hey, don't try to pass on the blame. But you are the one who said that. Big deal.

'On a wet rainy day...' there are a million stories that begin this way. My story is also not so different. But it diesn't start on a wet rainy day. It just used a wet rainy day to get started. To get you intrigued. So tell me how my story starts?

Get me something to prove that you are you, the man at the counter hissed. Will my passport do? The answer came in the form of an emphatic 'No'. So how do I prove that I am me? Go to any notary public and he will give you an affidavit stating the same. But how can someone who doesn't know me prove that I am me? What's so funny about it? Why is evrything suddenly red? Why am I feeling helpless? What happened to the world? How come every one is proving that they are they with an affidavit? Who will the notary public turn to if he wants to prove who he is? Looks like I am the only one who is seeing red.

I never thought it will end like this. I am sure he also never thought the piece of plastic I am wielding will save his dignity. For he has always seen plastic as a trap. Something that makes people buy things they never wanted. Something that pulls you deeper in to the debt trap. Something that is a bane of the modern day lifestyles. But now, when I finally did something that would've changed his outlook, it was too late. I just handed the piece of plastic over to the mortuary attendant and waited for the paperwork to be finished to claim his body.

Dear brain, I am writing this after serious thought. In fact I have been thinking about writing this letter for quite some time. I don't want to be called your alter ego. I am tired of being mistaken for you. I am in no mood to accept the blame for all the things you do. So please let me be me and accept my resignation. Yours faithfully, Mind

'Full sleeve or half sleeve?' asked the captor. She didn't know what to say. Either way I am going to lose, that's all she could think. Can't you spare me? She pleaded. But the man didn't seem to listen. He was losing his patience. There was a long queue behind her. Full it is then, he barked. She didn't know what to say. Now my hands will be chopped off fully, that's all she could think.

What's that crowd doing in front of my house? Someone died, a voice answered. Someone? Its my house! Who can it be? Father? Mother? Wife? Son? Dog? But why didn't anyone inform me? What stopped them? Or did it happen only now while I was on my way home? Didn't anyone know my mobile number? Ah there is my father. He looks all shaken up. I can hear my wife and kid crying. There is mom on that bed. But then who died? No it can't be.