Blahsphemy

The talking jug stopped huffing. Maybe it's because the stove cut slack on the heat. They were quite a couple. The spoon enjoyed this whole scene unfolding in the kitchen. He was lying next to his beloved plate. The plate was dreading when the damn spoon will start pillaging her beloved pancakes. The pancakes were enjoying their honey bath. The table and his chairs hated this whole set up. They came from a mighty Oak deep in the woods. So they refused to talk to anyone. The man of the house meanwhile doused the stove, manhandled the kettle, held her upside down till all her contents drained off. He then sat on the table, kicked aside a chair, grabbed the spoon and devoured the terrified pancakes who dripped honey all over the plate like a wounded beast.  

When the sun shines bright The stars and the moon sleep tight  That, my friend, is haiku 

There was a fly on the wall. He was mocking me. He sat there buzzing his wings. I could feel the turbulence he created. He was so high up that I couldn't touch him. So I let him be. Until a lizard or a spider find you, I let you be the king in this room.    

Yesterday it was empty surprisingly, the foreman thought. It used to be full everyday without fail. We have never had a system breakdown in the past six years. Still it was empty. Did someone shut down the machine? Did it run out of juice? It seems to be working fine now. The foreman leaned against the skip button and thought hard about what could've gone wrong. The machine obediently skipped the tasks for the day and hummed along.     

He was good at stealing. Ideas, concepts, thoughts and dreams were his speciality. His victims never realised that they were robbed. He used to strike at random. Whenever and wherever he came across anything that will be of some value to him. Today was no different. He quite liked the idea she presented. If he acted fast he could make it his own. The only thing that held him back was that he liked her more than her  idea. He wanted her as well. He was sure that if he stole her idea then she would hate him for a lifetime. So, what was the way out, he wondered. No bright ideas came his way. "I have been stealing quite a lot these days that my brain has stopped working", he lamented. "It's better than someone stealing my idea", he consoled himself.  

The mountain top was empty. Empty like the old man's bald head. Nothing grew there. Whatever was there died off during last winter. Like his hopes of meeting another soul. Now, everything was going to change. He saw a man inching up towards him. The closer he came, the happier the old man became. He couldn't hold it any longer he moved to the edge of the precipice to cheer the stranger. That's when the ice gave way. He met the stranger half way down. Together they reached the bottom faster than mountain goats. As they lay there submerged in the ice, the old man thought "What a wonderful life it was at the top!"  

His spam box showed 666 mails. The devil was coming for me, he thought. Of late, he had been getting worried about selling his soul to the devil. He was approached by his minions in various forms. Some tried to be his buddies. Others blatantly sold sex. A few offered to lengthen his penis. The vile ones offered him copious amounts of cash. The temptations just went on and on. He always fended them off with a clever click that sent them all to his spam box. But today, was different. The number 666 stared him in the face. He felt tempted to visit his spam folder. There in the midst of all the temptations lay an email from an old flame. 

The sun was on its way to the West. He saw an old man sitting on a rock. He said, "I have been watching you every evening sitting on the same rock watching me. It's irritating when people stare at you for nothing." The man smiled at the sun and said, "You have been watching me every single day of my life and I never complained. Now look at you whining about me staring at you." The sun realised that if he stays longer chit chatting with the guy he will be late for home and his wife the moon will get upset as she and her kids - the stars, were ready for their outing. So he just glared at the man. But the man laughed "Oh mighty sun, by evening your strength has been drained. I can out-glare you easily."  The sun gave up and rushed home. Tomorrow I will make him pay for his insolence, he thought. 

When your charge runs out, just plug in. That's the only thing you have to be careful about. Dane remembered the sales man's words clearly. He had followed it religiously. He had ensured that he plugged in whenever the charge started running out. Today, it was a bit odd. He plugged in but the power never reached his cells. He was still feeling low. His CPU was  dragging on like a snail on hot day. Maybe it is the cell, it would've gone bad. Otherwise why wouldn't the charge stay? A panic attack seemed imminent. His CPU was buzzing with alert messages. If he was unable to charge his cells, he will have no other option but to shut down. He was going to shut down! Shut down. He was screaming, when he woke up. He saw that his cells were charging fine, like young pups suckling their mom.  He went looked around foolishly and sank back in to his sleep station.

Another era slammed it's doors shut. No one will know what fell behind those doors. They will always be secrets. But at times these doors are pried open. By distant memories, jealousy, curiosity and vendetta. But that was not the case here. Bishop Sazu laid peacefully in his wooden casket like he was meditating. His smiling face gave away no secrets.  I am an orphan boy who knows what the Bishop is taking with him to his grave. I am sure there were others like me, waiting for someone to fling those doors open.

Take the money and run, his mind screamed. But after such a heavenly night how can I cheat her, he thought. She was still asleep. Nothing has stirred in the room after their earth shattering performance. Somehow one of the wardrobe doors have come open and a wad of cash has fallen on to the floor. He wanted to see if there was more money in there. But where did she get so much money? His friends have advised him to stay off her. She was trouble that's all they used to say. So far she had been good to him. Now if I take the money and run, all hell will break loose. She will be trouble for sure. A million excuses popped up in his mind. He reached for the wad and suddenly the room went blank. Dirty #*^%%$ that's all he heard.   

He is late again. I could've gone home early. How can I do that now? The bugger hasn't shown up. So here I am all alone at the watchtower. Waiting for him. Is that him? I can see a slight movement. That must be him. Wait a minute, he never wears khaki clothes. Why is he carrying a gun? That's not like him. Where is my gun?  There it is. I have him in my sight. Time for the warning shot. Damn, the gun is jammed. I should've cleaned it long back. Now all that I can do is wait for him to make his move. He is moving closer and closer. Looks like he is not aware of my presence. He is now climbing the ladder to the tower. I will bludgeon him with my gun before he shoots me. There take that and that. Oh damn, it's you? Where did you get this gun? Oh lord, say something. What have I done? Now I can never go home until they find a replacement.    

The selection was tough. Everyone was screened on the basis of their chromosomes. Luckily I got away with mine. Thanks to a gene pool that wasn't stagnant. It was pretty vast. Great grand chromosomes from Mesopotamia, Persia and finally India. Or was it the other way round? Well, now that I am in, I will have to prepare myself for the job. It is the world's only cloning facility and I can't let this pass me by. But hey who is that guy staring at me now? Why does he look like me? Have they already cloned me?      

The rain came and went Like a leaky sprinkler that never works Leaving me drenched yet dry   

Sometimes its vital to shutdown from the world. But the bots were everywhere. They were feeding on his thoughts. Any trace of a brand name got them excited. They threw up mindless info. Info he didn't want or ask for. Finally he had no option but to do it. His hands trembled as he reached for the power cord of his defibrillator. 

These are for sale. They are my dreams. The bright and cheerful ones are a bit expensive. The drab ones will be a bit affordable. Or do you want to check out the broken ones in that corner? They come free with every purchase. So which one are you going for?

  No one told me what  What happens when the cows come home   I sit and wonder what What the heck am I doing now?

"Will you cmndghhh?" "I can't hraeerrer yii" "I said will you cmndghhh" "I can't hraeerrer yii" "Will you cmndghhh?" "I can't hraeerrer yii" "Damn this mbbb cnnntn" "What did you call me?" "I didn't call you anythgfdc" "I can't hraeerrer yii"  

The grasshopper looked at the man pounding away at the keys in disdain. What's that fool doing staying awake late in to the night and fiddling with something that doesn't yield him any food? In grasshopper parlance it was sacrilege. In grasshopper land time was well spent procreating, hopping, singing, chewing tender leaves, hopping, moulting, laying eggs, excreting, contemplating the next hop and a million other grasshopperish activities. The grasshopper hopped a little closer to the man. Now he could see what he was doing. This damn guy was writing about grasshoppers! What does he know about us? How dare he write about us? The grasshopper went hopping mad. 

Finally it happened. The source dried up all of a sudden. All that remained was a stagnant pool. The blind fish were swimming happily as if nothing had happened. For them, it didn't matter as long as they could swim around. But then, that too became difficult as the water level fell. The sun was making life even more difficult by turning up the heat. The oldest fish had an idea. Why don't we evolve? Let's do Darwin proud by moving on to the land? The others cheered him. He just plopped on to the land and the others never heard from him. Soon, one by one all of them evolved. Some experienced flying high before sharp beaks tore in to them. Others were transported down alimentary canals as a whole. The unlucky ones were descaled and beheaded before ending up in frying pans.