Blahsphemy

"Don't let him gift you a tail of misery", she froze as she remembered her mothers words. It was long back. She was too young to understand what a tail of misery was. Her mom had told her that the tail of misery is what makes women move around with swollen bellies and crying babies. She used to dread the tail of misery. Her mom had told her that someday she too will fall for a man who will gift her the tail of misery. Time passed, she was a full blown woman now. She met the man of her dreams at her workplace. Last night he broke her defenses with sweet talk and raging hormones. They had a wonderful time exploring erogenous zones on each other. Then he did it. He injected her with a million tails. The tails raced one another to fulfill her mom's prophecy. She clutched the pillow tight and whispered "oh tails of misery, leave me alone, or I will have to terminate you once and for al".   

He rechecked his list. Everything was in order. Guns, ammo, grenades... everything. He checked his watch. It beeped a happy beep and showed that he had exactly 30 minutes more. He took a long breath and kicked open the door. The street wore an empty look, as if it anticipated his arrival. He slowly moved towards the local school dragging his bag. He checked his watch again. Soon the kids will be out. He had specially prepared everything for them. They will love my sweet grenades and chewy AK 47s, he thought. A smile hid somewhere on his wrinkled face.  

I like funerals better than birthdays or weddings. You are free to shed a tear or wallow in silence. You don't have to smile unless you have to. You don't have to socialise much. You don't have to shave or look your best. You are not forced to eat or drink. You don't have to bring a gift or your family along. You can just be a face in the crowd. You can slip away when you feel like. Best of all, you will never be attending the funeral of the same guy again. Peace.  

I am really hungry, he commented. She pushed an empty plate towards him and asked, why don't you feed on these for a change? Your credit card limit is over. The mobile company will disconnected your line. The landlord wants us to pay the rent or I will have to sleep with him. My job contract will be over this month. He burped as he pushed the plate away.      

Today I have a headache. Tomorrow I might have some other ache. Life's so predictable. Another deadpan start to a story that will never be written.       

Who is that? Is that me? I don't look so old. Is that a tummy or is it just the t-shirt? What happened to my flowing locks? Is that a wrinkled forehead? Are those bags under my eyes? No I am still young. I am still kicking. Who put that damn bucket here?  

The words of wisdom were washed up on the shores of ignorance. Their ship was wrecked by a dullard off the coast of Intelligentsia. They floated aimlessly for days in the sea of Babel. On these strange shores, no one understood them. Some threw stones. Others spat at them. They were laughed at for they made no sense to the inhabitants. They soon discovered that in spite of their wisdom, they were deemed ignorant.